You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
