life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
