She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
