i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
