Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
