No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
