yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
