Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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