all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
