he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
