connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
