Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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