I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
