I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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