i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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