my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
