Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
