erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
