Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
