By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
