hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
