I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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