I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize