no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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