I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
