ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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