The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
