im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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