Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
