but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
