The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
