Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
