KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
