My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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