Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
