I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Help. Why am I so naked?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
