A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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