Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize