No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
