Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
