how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Found your dick twin last night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize