So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
