I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
