This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
