Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
