New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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