apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
