pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
