i was born a porn star she said
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
