the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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