i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
