Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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