You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
