i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
