hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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