I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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