I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
