I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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