Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
