What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
