I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i drank out of a bidet.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
