this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
