Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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